I wish I was making this up. A recent twitter study confirmed tht people are happiest on the weekends. Really? You need a study to deduce that? What next? A study to find out whether jumping from a high rise building is lethal or not?

In these trying times, the only jobs that you can find are - nose jobs and boob jobs.

A few days ago, I took up one of those screwball tests that's available on the Internet and are continuously forwarded by numb nuts colleagues' via the office e-mail...wait am forgetting something here... hmmm...wot was that? (scratching my head furiously) yeah, now i remember - happy new year guys! Ok, wot was I saying now? right, I took up one of those longevity tests and as it turns out they ask a bunch of questions for which you need to choose an answer.  Lemme give you a sample of those questions.

1. How old are you?
2. Are you sure?
3. Are you really sure?
4. Can we see your birth certificate?
5. Are you in a relationship?
6. Is she hot?

Now this is where the question get weirder, it's a multiple choice and the choice are as follows:
a) Yes b) Maybe c) Absolutely d) Are you kidding? She would love that!

7. Is she in a open relationship?
8. Is she willing for a threesome?
9. Can I and a couple of friends join you guys for the weekend?

The questions got weirder and weirder and it made me think... Why are they asking so many questions about my partner when it's supposed to be along the lines of how much I drink and how much I smoke?

And why isn't there a choice which clearly says "NO" for questions 7 through 9?

I don't get this, recently while flicking through channels, i chanced upon this cartoon program called Oswald. I really, really don't get this, an octopus can talk, a sunflower can talk, a tree can talk, a penguin can talk, the bee can talk, the eggs can talk - but the dog only barks! I am no expert in evolution theory but i think the dogs are way up in the communication chain as compared to eggs.

Ah a fresh mail delivered right into my spam folder. The sender is Gruger Wibbler and subject is "Your length will amaze". I cannot access this mail as i'm restricted by our organization's security policy code 215 which states "Do not open mails in spam folder, and that goes specifically to you Juicemeup". My curiosity as to the contents of the mail reaches a new level and am left pondering over these questions.

1. What kinda first name is Gruger?
2. What kinda second name is Wibbler?
3. Who would name someone like that?
4. If i name my kid Gruger Wibbler would it border on child abuse?
5. Would my child hack me to death if i named Gruger Wibbler?
6. Should i have another beer?
7. Does my length amaze me?
8. What is my length?
9. Would my length amaze Jennifer Aniston?
10. Will these make it to Letterman's Top 10?

Recently i was introduced to one of my close friend's blog, i was drawn to his first post where he mentions a quote of John Steinbeck hitherto unheard by me which goes "ad astra per alia porci". Now this sounded like a strange language to me, except that i thought porci sounded porky. I did what any man in his mid-twenties would normally do when encountered with peculiar languages, i.e. throw back couple of bottles of beer and take up Latin classes. Now this was a big mistake, right after my first Latin session (where i learnt "my name is", "and you are?") my brain started to translate every other conversation (as it was playing out) in Latin and me not understanding one bit of it. Here are some excerpts:

My CEO's recession address: per aspera ad astra
My VP's goal setting addressal: non est ad astra mollis e terris via
My next cubicle dopist colleague: per herbam ad astra
My Manager: Stop dawdling on blogspot and start working, else i'll fire your ass.

Hmm I wonder why my manager is pissed at me, should i tell him that i didn't understand his Latin?

Imagine we wake up one day and find our wives/girlfriends or both have adopted an IVR style kind of responses to our advances.

For hugging press 1
For kissing press 2
For nibbling the ear press 3
For sex please wait on the line or callback after sometime.

Its official now. Rediffmail has passed wot it takes to be called "Spam Mail". Seriously, My inbox sees so many jackpot winnings, even Danny Ocean and his gang goes "forget Andy Garcia's Bellagio vault, lets go for Juicemeup's inbox". To top it off i even get emails from widows to share their deceased husband's estate. Move over W Buffet and W Gates the top spot at forbes is me.

Just got off the phone talking to John Cusack which culminated with my visit to Samuel L. Jackson (who was still battling with the snakes on the plane).

They both agreed that they thought entering Room 1408 was the scariest thing they did but now this has overtaken as one of their worst fears come true.

SENSEX 17605.35. -1408.