Below are pictures which speak for themselves



And here are pictures taken at a famous pub in bangalore which also speak for themselves;














































And they say god is in the works.

Once upon a time there was Tomkat and then there came along Brangelina....now

Special: Tracking the Abhiwariya saga


You idiotic imitating cheapskates, get a life. It's a pity that you guys already steal scripts and now this?

I'm here again, at point blank to talk about good things about Daniel Craig, damn somebody ratted on me. Where to begin, he's sauve, packs a load of panache and pukes when he drinks his martini...click.... juicemeup is dead.

Wish i could replicate the bond theme music over here as a start to my write up...alas i'm not into plagiarism....

To all bond fans like me...here comes another treat although with a replicated name. Give a chance to Daniel Craig to prove his worth (Juicemeup say's no way dude, only Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnon rock the position).

I still wish Mr. Bond Brosnan held on to his mettle for some more time. I don't know, to me he was the only....atleast the only to game up (in recent times).....to the likes of Sean Connery, who by the way is the only James Bond the whole world will accept. These are my opinions and i don't care a **** about yours.

Vote here if you feel like Sean Connery has to be called back as Mr. James Bond again, i know he would be more than glad to do the role again and more importantly do justice to the role.

Tired Of CallCenter/BPO/Knight Shifts...Here is the Opportunity WALKIN (0-2 yrs.)
HRS Consultancy

Say, wots a knight shift?

Could someone show this bear the way to BSE Sensex atleast???? I'm tired of the bull rally and i want some stocks to go way down!

Some punchlines/ads i noticed in bangalore recently.

Piles Clinic ad:
A board with a sketch of an upwards pointing arrow towards the establishment stating
"Way to Piles" (I better not take that way)

This one is hilarious
Some guy/gal messed around with this ad on a wall
Initially it read "Read Holy Thirukurral" now it reads
"Read Holy Thirukurral" and then read Da Vinci Code

A plumbing repair ad on the way to my malayalee mess
"Bharat Plumping works"

On a billboard above ex-residence of urban edge pub (although now i don't recall the actual words)
"Even ash needs to wash" (Guess the product featured)

As usual i was relishing another boring day at office by keeping myself busy with all the swatting of flies....bang! a smiling mascot from HR approaches my neighbor. It turns out that he was spreading awareness about fire safety at office at a individualistic level. When asked about this he quipped that a one on one interaction is better than making an announcement while dealing with these issues...he also remarked that i wait for my turn to pose questions to him. After some time he approached me with the same smiling look...which met with my stare...after much pleasantries, he posed a question to me?

Fake Smile HR Rep: What is the purpose of the fire exit signs found on this floor?

Me: Well, it just helps us show the way out when we get fired!

Sensex is skyrocketing and my career is plummeting....

I've been selected to do a clean-up of cola branding in India after all this mess created lately. In a strategic move Depsi and Poke both have appointed me to uplift the cola brands and create awareness...Aamir take a backseat now, cause the king of branding gonna rock. My directive from these companies is that "do something, our bottoms are hurting (oops, sorry, i meant bottomline)". for filing purposes i'll refer this directive issued to me as "Management directive 6"

As any sane branding guru would do, i did the same....that is forget the task at hand and get drunk.

After a lot of procrastinating i finally branded these products in such a way that public awareness + bottom line were taken care of.

Here is the new face of the cola brands depsi and poke-a-cola.

Depsicide -- The genocide of the billion
Choke-a -cola -- Dimaak thand kar dega.

Disclaimer: All brands mentioned above are purely fictional, even if they exist (which i'm not sure about, as... you're right I'm in a drunk state of mind) they are co-incidental.

Look how powerful the brand Osama is nowadays, Bidding a laptop at ebay or guessing the price of a product and winning is all passe.

Here is a brand new game, all you need is a handy handphone with sms facility and guess where is Osama and win gift vouchers worth Rs. 500. Say, the CIA is into cost-cutting huh?

Where is Osama? SMS us and win prizes

Your lucky handy handphone just got luckier.

Boy!! It was hot at my office yesterday with the airconditioning broken down. I went to my manager's cabin just for the cold shoulder.

SERVES YOU RIGHT!

How many of you have come across these words told to you? Many? How many of you have come across these words told to you by every other person, every other time? well i fall into the latter category. i'll quote a few examples here,

Me: I got screwed by my manager over productivity
Friend: Serves you right.

Me: I got a C over here in my appraisal (showing the appraisal and waving hands hysterically)
Manager: Serves you right.

Me: Buddy, that girl stood me up!
Friend: Serves you right.

Me: Freddy, i'll just have a large of vodka and nothin else, i have a terrible feeling.
Freddy(the Barman) : Serves you right, for drinkin all that stuff yesterday.

Why can't a conversation go like this,

Me: I made love to the neighbor's wife
Neighbor: My wife?!
Me: No, the opposite one.
Neighbor: Serves you right.

The admissions and recruitment people of chicago gsb will be visiting Bangalore on september 5, 2006. For more information and registration visit their website or google chicago gsb. Note the above could change without notice.

I passed by Bangalore Central yesterday night and i saw lots of ads (hoardings? Billboards?) informing a Back to School sale.....hmmm. In India we are back to school in the month of June and not August and we do school shopping in May. I also noticed a back to school sale at a cosmetic shop in forum, somebody explain to me why will i need a cosmetic makeover before i go to school? Great going imitators....

What i've been doing these days??

To answer the above, either i can write about it or say it (as my fellow wharton intake 07 aspirant calls it) through pics. lemme try the latter.




























Burrrp!





Burrrp Burrrp Burrrp!

JuiceMeUp's nightmares when juiced up:

• Getting hit by two GBU 27 laser guided bombs (the second one thrown in for good measure by juicemeup's manager)
• Doing a bungee jump into an active volcano to light up a cigarette
• Solving 32+16*7(3+5)/4=
• Pay a visit to Alcoholics Anonymous
• Getting a "Cold Shoulder" from the manager during summer
• Being forced to watch "Brokeback Mountain" as part of cultural awareness program
• Getting Jiggy with Bea Arthur
• Getting a ding letter from a bottom tier B school stating that i've raised their gmat score average by submitting a 500 score with my application.
  

Naukri goof-up Part II

Most of you would have read my previous post about this jobsite Naukri.com, I just found a mail from them in my inbox. Here is the excerpt

From:	"Naukri.com"
To:
Subject:	what is your career goal?
Date:	Tue, 13 Jun 2006 12:05:02 IST

I really wonder wots wrong with these recruiters, firstly they send me a cook position, now they say: What is your career goal?

I say you already have my resume and you know about my career goal, and i only get cook positions from you.

I am going to achieve my career goal by first deleting my resume from this jobsite and spamming their mails.

I am not in the mood to study Quant or take gmat prep tests. (Look under my LINKS section for some serious MBA related and GMAT related stuff posted by fellow bloggers.) Infact after noticing "how slow" i am with my mba preps FEMA has asked me to join their organisation in some senior management role.

I am in the mood for FUTBOL and i test positive for margaritas and tequilas before every match.

Naukri.com you suck, you have my resume, you know i'm into US Mortgage Industry, you know that i transition processes, you know that i'm into Sarbanes Oxley, you know that i don't want to re-locate to dubai, you know a lot of things about me, you know of my career aspirations.......... Darn you for sending me a requirement for a North indian cuisine Cook position in dubai for applying.

Naukri you suck, your job filters suck!!!!

Finally I watched the longtime recommended Quentin Tarantino movie "pulp fiction", and i am so confused by the whole story, what's quentin tryin to tell the audience?? There's Jules and then there's Vincent, and then there's Butch, and then there's Marcellus, and then there's Mr. Wolf and then there's Uma Thurman.........the cast is huge.

Jules gets a religion after hitting 3 kids, Vincent dies at the hands of Butch, Marcellus wants to screw the life out of Butch cause he didnt go in the fifth round -- only to be screwed by a cop, cop gets his balls busted.

Jimmy i didn't understand your movie but i sure liked the goriness of your fourth movie.

Took a short gmat prep test, no remarkable progress, my score rose 9% from the previous test, now it stands at 48% correct and 52% incorrect. hehehe

Most of the correct answers belong to verbal section, do i suffer from williams syndrome???

Wonder who invented math?

JuiceMeUp Escape velocity from Math is at all time high of 4 miles per second.

Its 10PM EST, I’m still at my office, finishing off the final stages of department’s Sarbanes audit readiness, lotsa questions running in my mind, foremost of all is

2 MBA OR NOT 2 MBA

Hmmm tough question, today I found that I suck at quadratic equations; this knowledge effectively helped me in putting off GMAT test by another two months i.e. December 2006 (Hopes of applying in Round 1 quashed)

Math is really causing nervous disorders and I am really pondering whether I should just chuck this whole MBA plan and live peacefully, this is another tough question to answer. Ultimately I have to make choices. Let me look at the advantages of being an MBA and not being an MBA and make an informed decision.

The advantages of JuiceMeUp – The MBA

1. Worldwide Acclaim through news broadcasts and Newspapers as the oldest MBA at age 79 from top school (reapplied since age 28) Note: This will be 2nd page news as the front page news would be dedicated to a lady giving birth at age 81.

2. Likely exposure to people who would figure in the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

3. Club Memberships and Alumni lists

4. Anna Nicole Smith

5. Whitehouse Black tie events

6. My Ancestors toasting an “Our boy finally made it, finally stricken off from family black sheep category” and getting juiced up in heaven or hell depending on who is where.

The disadvantages of JuiceMeUp – Not an MBA

1. Always need to bask in the glory of Bill Gates (e.g. Hey you know Bill Gates is a drop out, so an MBA really doesn’t matter”, for which I would get a rebuttal like this; “hey you know Bill Gates has $50 billion, what you have?”

2. Would still suffer from Math fear.

3. No Anna Nicole Smith and No Black tie events

4. Likely exposure to Forbes top 10 “duh’s” of the world

5. Beneficiary of ancestral curses for not taking charge of my life and moving it in the right decision.


Hmmm I have to weigh the pros and cons and reach an informed decision.

Credits:
My company for providing free internet bandwidth
William Shakespeare
Senator Oxley
Math
B Schools
Anna Nicole Smith
Mr. President
Bill Gates
Forbes.com
My Ancestors

I’m learning Math!!!! To crack GMAT!!!!

Last weekend I went and purchased this Math for Junior book and it is awesome, it’s teaching me Numbers, Integers (includes positive and negative – which I didn’t know earlier) and their calculations and a whole lot of other amazing stuff which I haven’t perused yet, it’s going to be a great learning experience for me. Here are some interesting excerpts from the book, (btw I am going through page 7 of 298, so it would not be a lengthy excerpt).

-100 is always greater than -1000
Digits are integers 0-9 and the places in a number are called digit places, for example lets take 357, 7 is in the ones digit place, five in the tens and 3 in the hundreds digit place.

The book quizzes you also to test your skills, here’s one quiz

If you have five (5) Frisbees and someone gave you three (3) more, how many Frisbees would you have?

My Answer: Ummm, Hmmmm, Ummmm, Ahhhh, can I borrow more time to crack this? Also can I have tools like a calculator, 1.4 gigabyte processing powered computer?

All kidding aside, I think it’s a great book at building basics, which I lack, basically I gotta give credit to an amazing math teacher back at school, who always used to ridicule me and make me sit outside the class for every math session.

Note to all my Math teachers from elementary to High school:
Wish you people knew that school is a place where kids (like me at one point of time) come to learn and need not necessarily be good or expected to be good in a particular subject, it’s your job to make him good and excel at it, not ridicule him just because he failed to solve one simple addition problem during class I and make him sit out the entire Math learning life. Wish you judged me not by my weakness to solve a problem but by my eagerness to learn how to solve.

Frustrating Friday, would wot my manager say if she was asked to describe the day at work today :)

Today was the deadline, well the day (or rather night for me) is almost over, for the process manuals updation and refurbishing work assigned to me. The moment i turned on my Jurassic age computer there was a meeting invite from my manager to discuss the project. The meeting went like this;

Manager: Have you finished your assignment? I am not looking for "No" as an answer.
Me: No

Manager (By now her i could see a tinge of red in her face): How far have you reached with this asignment?
Me: Page 19 of 1150, not very far.

Manager: Why the delay?
Me: These documents are protected for any changes, i need a password and no one has the password for these documents, more so i have existing responsibilities, i'm finding it hard to juggle between my current responsibilities and this assignment, one week timeframe is too less to complete this assignment.

Manager: I do not want to hear any explanations.
Me: You just heard one.

By now she almost lost her cool, stared at me for a few secs.

Manager: I really wonder how your previous manager gave you an "A(Outstanding)" Performance rating, I wonder what he considered in you to give that rating.
Me: The rating was based on my merits and performance

Manager: I want this to be done ASAP (lot of stress for ASAP)
Me: Yes, i will finish it as soon as possible (emphasised with intermittent breaks for as--soon--as--possible.)

Manager: Could you pls leave my office now!!
Me: Oh sure.

I came out of the office with a devilish smile ;), but i know that my performance rating for this year would be Z category if there is one.

Waiter, i'll have a large whiskey, and could you please keep getting that till i fall off from this chair.

will get juiced up.

Been sometime since i posted here, i could use a lot of fallible excuses for this atrocity, and i am not using any of those excuses mainly for say, one reason is that this particular area of the free of cost disk space area in the vast blogosphere should not suffer from severe spasms and not let me post in the near and distant future.

My Manager has finally found what i hate the most and this, she is using to her benefit to torture me like, hmmm let me think, let's say Dick Cheney torturing his hunting partner in the woods.

What i hate the most at my work is scribing and updating reams and reams of process and procedures manuals, i am supposed to update and refurbish (refurbish cause she thinks the design of bullets in the document does not meet her fancy) the whole department's process manuals which is close to 1150 standard A4 format pages.

wish me good luck to come up with a fallible excuse tomorrow, tomorrow being the deadline of the project and tomorrow hopefully i will finish updation of page 19 of 1150.

Today me and my friend decided to meet up over a cup of coffee, we planned to meet at forum coffee day, this friend is one of those rarest kinds of friends which is hard to comeby. I say rare for three reasons. He's suffered me for nearly more than eight years Saved me from a possible likelihood of getting punched by my ex-girlfriend (Heck i'm still scared that bump into her in this small world and get punched by her right in the kisser) Never sticks to time. (KK, frank thoughts :)) As usual we were supposed to meet at 6.00PM and i was there by 5.45PM, i get a call from him stating that he will be delayed by 10 mins, so i take a stroll to landmark to check out paperbacks. I didn't notice Opal Mehta book by Kaavya, mebbe they took it off shelf. what i noticed were these: THINGS THAT I AND MY GIRLFRIEND ARGUED ABOUT -- By god's name why should i know wot surmised between horny couple? The book starts with "Where's my car keys?" how the hell i benefit literally by knowing where's his car keys are? The book is 150+ pages. The publisher should have answered one question "should i publish this book and lose money or should i just search for his car keys?" He would have got his answer almost instantaneously. There wasn't a dustbin in the vicinity to chuck this book. Landmark employees are smart. Next one. "The Martha Stewart Rules". Here i'm confused, Rules as in Rules and Procedures to follow? or Is she goading that she still rules even after time spent at Alderson Correction facility? Here in the book she says she followed the productive american dream and asks us to follow her be a part of that productive american dream. Sorry Martha, I ain't your follower as i do not wish to spend time in jail and become a gigolo at the penitentiary to earn pocket money. Next were some interesting books by Wharton Publishing and one on investment tactics by Aswath Damaodaran, Aswath one of the top 12 management professors in USA -- teaches at Stern and Wharton is my top school to get admitted, so i'm baised here (Note to Aswath: Stern is my top 2 school). Couldn't buy these books as i was stricken for cash and my manager is already planning a retirement for me--i gotta save for rainy unemployed days. The Next book was called "100 brushes before bed" On the cover there was this sexy, cleavage showing girl brushing her hair. This is what i want, a raunchy sex book to while away my time. The writer's note goes something like this "Sex may be bad or good, but if you ask me if i do it again, heck i'll do it" This is like a personal diary being published and made public for mass reading. Yes something like Dairy of Anne Frank, only the reasons were different, this one was about producing illegit lives the Anne frank one was about being alive and struggling for life. This book is the story of a 14 yr old which i'll sum up in two words; Virgin Mary >> Bloody Mary. (These refer to cocktail names, no religious reference pls.) There is an author by surname Coontz, tell me isn't that what we refer to rowdy senior girls harassing innocent first year boys at a co-ed? Ah i got the long awaited call from KK, Off to free coffee at coffee day. So long. Literar(y)ily Dumb a.k.a JuiceMeUp.

This post is dedicated to the few people who have expressed their doubts on the name of the blog and the contents. So i will be serious here with this post--no slapstick comedy, if you want comedy this aint your blog today. A sum total of 6 readers of my blog (yes 6 is a huge number for me as my blog is not a crowd puller. Paris Hilton is a crowd puller, her pet monkey is a crowd puller, her designer monkey clothing brand is a crowd puller, but not me.) have expressed concerns; Their concerns are listed below: JuiceMeUp? Yecch it sounds so kinky (Two readers of feminine gender have expressed this concern) JuiceMeUp? it sounds so weird (Three concerns from the feminine crowd) To answer the above; JuiceMeUp refers to "get me drunk", "get me the booze" etc. Now the next concern (actually it's more of a threatening question made by my ex-colleague). I'll list the conversation below: Ex-Colleague: Where did you plagiarize this stuff? Me: What!!!! Ex-Colleague: From where did you copy all these articles? Me: What!!!! Ex - Colleague: I can't believe that you can write? I didn't think that you possessed good grammar. Me: What!!!! Ex-Colleague: Ok I gotta get back to work, speak to you some other time. I'm not as jobless are you are! Me: What!!!! Now that i've recovered from the after-shocks of the conversation, i'll script my justification with (by plagiarising) the most recent justification by and author and her publishing company Me: "it's very natural for someone to get impressed with the works of someone, and it's all the more natural (Natural also synonyms with the word "Easy" here) to just copy that work and make some cosmetic changes and voila! a masterpeice original work. So pls excuse any plagiarised articles published over here, any such plagiarism is purely inspirational and unintended" :) My Publishing company: "JuiceMeUp is a kid, and kids at that age tend to do things like this, what's the big deal, heck we'll just give a discount of 20% on the cover price, now that you know that it's not original. Note to Shareholders of our company: Shareholders don't worry about company profits dipping by this act, we're making good the losses by extorting JuiceMeUp." Note to readers: Pls ignore the 752 grammatical mistakes found in this post. Note to Paris Hilton: Pls ditch that stupid monkey and hire this monkey as your pet. JuiceMeUp.

Today is a historic day, Opal Mehta has moved the court to ban a newly published book in his name and has also asked punitive damages in the amount of Harvard Education's tuition costs. Being the citizen reporter (which i am not) i paid a crispy 10 buck note as a bribe to the judge to get insider information (This, my friends, is what i call "I paid my debt to the society"). The complaint talks about these issues: Opal Mehta is not fictitious character, but a real person and no one can plagiarize his name. He's never been kissed! Never set foot in the wild, but always wanted to, now too scared that Dick Cheney might mistake him for a duck. He already has a life, doesnt want to get another one cause credit card expenses will shoot up. Where's my Royalty dues? Hmmmm. Now let me finish scripting the last few pages my highly plagiarised book titled "How K****a Got Admitted (Harvard), Got Fame and Got Screwed" This book is my short cut to HBS and not my GMAT score or Essays. Wish me luck. Disclaimer: All remarks, names, commas, periods, apostrophes, alphabets above mentioned are fictitious and does not resemble any person living or dead, if any resemblance found it's purely unintended and coincidental.

There are two kinds of people residing at my apartment. First Kind: Fat people Second Kind: Me I seriously wonder as to how these people put on weight, and successful they are at putting loads of layers of fat everyday! Health surveys points out that "you tend to put on weight if you're under undue stress". Heck, i am always stressed out, if i am not my manager takes it as a personal challenge to stress me out, coming to my earlier point if the health survey is right why am i not putting on weight? Or did those survey experts got drunk midway during the survey and instead of SEX they input STRESS? Hmmmm. The other day i was chilling out in the public swimming pool at the apartment reading a novel, this fat kid jumps into the water and the next thing i notice is this killer wave coming at me. Okay time for some drink to beat the heat, Regular coke for me and diet coke for this fat kid. JuiceMeUp.

Rediff Matchmaker! Ahem (clears throat), lot of you people must have either visited/hooked with a girl or got spammed from this website. I belong to the spam category, everyday I see mails with these subject lines:

Anu, 22, wants to meet you!
Get hooked with Latha
Marriage proposal for you!
Will you marry me? etc.

Since I don’t respond to these mails nor visit the website, the webmaster is getting too desperate to attract my “eyeball” to this website. Now he is spamming my emailbox with these subject-liners.

Will you get married this year?
Hey this is slim and sexy Rani, call me today!
Will you ever get Married? (Hmm... will I ever get married? Jennifer Aniston is single but she ain’t ready to mingle with me as yet)

Give the webmaster a few more days, he’d spam with these subject-liners:

Anu, 36-24-36 wants to meet you!
Hookers for Sale (Dirt cheap)!
One night stand available!

If I still don’t respond to him, he’d go on with this subject-liner

Tania 44EE, what else do you need moron!

RediffMatchmaker thou shall not spammeth my Inbox.

JuiceMeUp.

Of congested bus rides, peanuts and farts

This was the condition of my travel back to bangalore from my hometown. A two hour "concentration camp" kind of experience which i undergo two times a month. The aptly titled "Air Bus" (Not to be mistaken with an Airbus) fetching three times it's capacity and with a travel time of two hours is definitely an out of the world experience, a few amenities which are rendered unasked are

• A "strong" fart every 2 minutes (Fart shelf life is atleast one and half minutes)
• Bus conductor Massage (A unique service where his ass cheek uses your shoulder as a lean on --ofcourse your shoulder gets a toilet paper kind of feeling)
• Arm-pit fragrance (But hey Axeland is just a spray away!)
• Peanuts to munch on (costs only 50 paisa with an additional bonus of upto and not limted to 5 farts)
• The pleasure of travelling on well maintained roads of karnataka. (I hear a faint "Are you kidding" from the legislative council)

Here's a clinton joke to munch on while i go and search for my deo

According to an online survey by "Men’s Fitness” magazine, if American women could sleep with one politician, it would be Bill Clinton. Thirty-four percent of American women say they would like to go to bed with Bill Clinton. The other 66% percent already have.

JuiceMeUp.